Hi there. Welcome back!
Today, I’m honored to have our special guest, Amber Trueblood, and she’s coming out with her book, on June 6, which you’ll hear a lot about. But in this episode, we’re going to go over the five anxiety styles.
It’s so important to recognize as an entrepreneur, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed and anxious because as soon as you are aware of why you might be experiencing the overwhelm and the anxiety, and you get to see your patterns of how you show up in life because of that, then you’re able to take certain steps and implement strategies.
Amber also goes into a lot for strategies for each of these five styles, so then you can move forward, so then you can experience less overwhelmed, less anxiety, and more of what you do want to feel and experience in life, especially as an entrepreneur. So I hope you enjoy this blog!
Question To Amber: Can you tell us a little bit about what you do and who you help?
Amber: Yes, Alison, thanks so much for having me on. I’m excited to speak to your audience a little bit here and chat. I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and I help overwhelmed and anxious moms most of the time. A lot of them are also entrepreneurs. And I do this primarily through providing a lot of practical strategies that are easily implementable to reduce overwhelm and anxiety in their daily lives.
So those are my areas of focus. Kind of the topics that I tend to touch on most are, you know, mindfulness areas, so like meditation, visualization, mantras, manifestation, that’s one category, and then indication strategy.
And then the last strategy is what I like to call true self-care tools, because there’s a lot of kind of surfacey self-care that looks like self-care on the outside, but if we don’t really tune into ourselves, sometimes it’s easy to feel more frustrated. Like, “I just went and spent all this money on a massage. And now I’m like, just as frustrated as I was before I left for the massage, what the heck!” You know? So I talk a lot about true self-care tactics as well.
Alison: Yeah, I love this! So much to dive into here. And I love how you really tapped into the people that you work with, because they are overwhelmed and anxious. And you mentioned that the strategies that they’re going to implement, it sounds simple and doable.
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Question To Amber: When you work with someone, how do you incorporate like a mindfulness and mantra into their day-to-day? And what are the benefits of doing that?
Amber: So many! Oh, my goodness! It’s one of my favorite topics to talk about, because I’m very practical and logical in my disposition and efficiency, right? So I don’t want to waste a lot of time, or money or energy, or attention. Because we all have limited amounts of each of those on things that aren’t going to work or aren’t going to have the ROI, right?
What I love about mantras and mindfulness practices and visualization is they’re free, they take very little time, they take very little energy, they take our attention, they take our focus, but other than that, they don’t have any weird side effects, right?
Some of the things we do, we try a new diet or we try a new exercise regimen, or we do something and we’re like, “Okay, well, I feel better over here. But my GI is kind of messed up,” or we have different, you know, reactions. And what I’ve found from my own personal experience, and from working with a lot of other women is there seems to be only upside. And if you can be patient and consistent with these practices, the benefits, they come so quickly and kind of what I like is the math. It’s seemingly like magic, even though it really isn’t magic.
There are all kinds of things that happen that you do differently. You show up differently. You shift your own way of thinking as a result of maybe say doing a mantra practice, right?
And because the very fact that you’re taking the time and energy to decide, “I want to say this five times a day,” just making that decision automatically shifts how you might make other decisions, what choices you might pick, you know, so changes has all these kind of micro effects that build up.
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Not just like I say this, and then magically, it happens three weeks later. There are all kinds of real-life kind of tangible things that shift as a result of you even deciding, “I’m going to make this be important enough to me that I’m going to repeat it five times a day.”
Alison: That’s so interesting, because I work a lot with mantras, I guess you could say, or believable thoughts, affirmations, but helping my clients to find ones that they already believe to be true. And then more of redirecting the brain in the moment, if they’re thinking something that’s not going to serve them or send them down a rabbit hole. But I like what you just said, how you can also intentionally say, “I’m going to think this five times today,” without even having to like redirect the brain. So it’s just like how you start the day. So that, I think, is a hell of a technique.
Amber: Totally, totally! I like to tell people there are so many different ways you could do it. I like to tell people to choose a mantra that feels exciting, and like just out of reach, but not impossibly unbelievable that you really don’t buy it at all.
And then also have people have, you know, playful manifestations that they’ll play with, where they don’t have a lot of emotional weight or urgency attached to it. Because that can also be really difficult to, you know, you really want your business to succeed, you really need 10 more clients. It’s a lot of pressure.
So sometimes, especially if this is a new practice for you, using your manifestation techniques on something that, “Oh, if it happens, awesome, if it doesn’t, whatever,” you know? You weren’t really expecting it anyway, you don’t need it to happen, you know, you don’t have this desperation behind it, so you can be more playful with it.
And then when you start to see those happen and show up in your life in these kinds of seemingly magical ways, then it gives you that much more confidence to instill those same practices in the areas that really do mean a lot to you, and that you have a lot of emotional ties to, so to speak.
And one of the things that I talk about a lot in this book I have coming out is I have the framework set up so that there are five different what I call anxiety styles. And what I recommend to my clients and my communities is that they choose self-care toolkit, meditative practices, and mantras, and communication strategies that are more effective for their particular anxiety style. And because often we hear about all these great tools, and then we use them, and we’re like, “Man, that worked for my best friend,” or, “That worked for my sister-in-law so well, and it’s just not working for me,” and then we end with adding to that guilt, and, you know, self-shame. And that’s like the opposite of what we’re trying to do, right?
So I like this framework, and I talk about it a lot, because I think it increases your odds that the strategies that you choose, and the communication skills that you identify that are going to be most helpful to you really do align with what’s important to you, right? And they really do align with what your emotional triggers are. Because what triggers you is going to be so different than what triggers me or your best friend or your neighbor or your mom or your partner, right? Or your kids.
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Alison: Yeah, totally. I love all this! So much in there.
Question To Amber: So how would one go about figuring out their anxiety style? Do you kind of walk them through in the book? And is it related to their emotional triggers?
Amber: Yes, it very much is related to their emotional triggers. So there’s a quiz, I put it into a quiz online. It’s at flourishquiz.com. And it is a robust quiz. So there are 30 very short questions, but it’s not like one of those Facebook quizzes, what is your superstar personality type, or what kind of beard are you named after? I don’t know. Well, you know, it’s not one of them.
It’s actually a legit quiz. And you tend to have one style that’s dominant. And you might also relate to a secondary one as well. So we say, you know, choose the strategies that kind of have you nodding your head and say, “Oh, yeah, I think that that would really be helpful to me.” So at the end of the day, trust your gut over anything else, but the quiz will tell you, “Okay, this is your anxiety style. This is your core anxiety style.” And with that comes certain contributing factors, certain emotional triggers, certain superhero traits, like amazing qualities that you’ve developed as a result of being a lover type or a fighter or a dynamo. Or I’ll just say, all five, or a visionary, or an executive.
And, you know, there are places where this has really served you and let’s take a hot minute to celebrate those, acknowledge those, realize not everybody can do that, not everybody has that quality or skill. And let’s be grateful. Let’s acknowledge that.
And then look at where in your life, where are there areas where this style is not really serving you any longer? Probably it was at some point, but maybe it’s not now, where are those areas? And then where are the strategies specific to that anxiety style that are going to serve you in managing through that or minimizing the anxiety or the overwhelm or the frustration that comes from where it’s not serving you anymore?
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Alison: Okay, I love that. So just for example, so people can implement it, like right now or envision how it could benefit their lives, I’m considered to be a highly sensitive person. So sometimes, it’s my superpower, because it’s very helpful in my coaching sessions and when I’m working with people and as a practitioner, because I can pick up on things very quickly even though the words might not be said. However, it can hold me back in life, because I overthink and I overanalyze, because I’m always reading things going on in the background. And sometimes I create my own story about what someone might think, for example, a friend or a family member, and then I use it against myself, is that kind of what you’re saying?
Amber: Yeah, definitely, definitely. So then, you know, “Okay, I’m going to celebrate this part, because it helps my business and it’s how I show up in the world naturally anyway, and it’s beautiful in here, all the reasons how it’s serving me and what I love about it.” And then, you know, you just identified, here’s where it’s not so helpful in my life. And then what do I do about it? What are the easy to implement simple strategies that I can use? And what’s the first one that I’m going to use? And how am I going to implement and then build on it slowly?
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Alison: Okay, yeah, the book sounds like it’s going to be super helpful.
Question To Amber: So tell us the title, and when it comes out, and all the things.
Amber: It’s called The Unflustered Mom. And it comes out June 6. And I’m so excited. It’s also going to be, I just finished recording the audible version. So if you prefer to listen to books, it will be on Audible as well.
I wrote it to also be a resource guide. So it has a lot of help. Like, for instance, each anxiety style has its own set of in the moment strategies for when you’re really in the moment, you need it right then whether you have, so I meant, broken down by time, like you have one minute, great. You have one minute strategies for this anxiety style, you have 10 minutes, here are 10 minute strategies, you have 30 minutes, here are 30 minute strategies. I didn’t go longer than that, because I don’t know many people that have unlimited time. If you have two hours, then great.
And then at the end, I have a whole chapter on communication strategies. So if you are a visionary, you’re married to an executive, here’s ways that can help you really connect and find common ground. And here’s areas where you having a better understanding of what drives them and what triggers them is going to elicit some compassion. And here’s how you can share your triggers and your needs in a way that can hopefully have compassion go back towards you as well.
And then I also have a load of preventative strategies. So things that for everybody to choose from, you know, what helps you most on a daily basis, on a weekly basis, on an annual basis even, and then I have strategies for people to create their own emotional emergency support plan.
So they have they’re like, “Okay, these are my go to 32nd strategies, these are my go to,” you know, and they choose them. And then when you need them, you just look at your EESP and you’re like, “Okay, okay, all right. I remember. I get 10 minutes, I’m going to do this one.” And then you can do it because when you’re in the moment, it’s hard sometimes. Like, “Oh, I’m supposed to like put on this playlist that I already made. Okay, I’m going to put on the playlist and I’m going to go outside and just walk around the block. Okay, I could do that.” But you’ve already created that plan ahead of time because often, we don’t have the wherewithal in that moment of heightened cortisol and adrenaline to even figure it out.
Alison: Yeah, I love that you’re bringing your work as a therapist into this too, because, you know, it’s one thing to say, I’m an overwhelmed and anxious mom, but to address all the different, like facets of their life is so helpful, especially with communication.
For me, I find that when the communication with my husband is good and effective, meaning like, we have things in our house that are thriving, and my daughter is happy, and we communicate with our daughter, then I show up to my business with more energy and motivation. So there’s trickle over effect.
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Amber: There’s a ton of trickle over effect. And, you know, it’s just like our bodies, right? We pretend that like, I mean, unfortunately, the medical system is set up that way, right? With specialists, right? Oh, problem is just over here. You know? Your jaw, okay, well, that’s affecting my digestive tract. And that’s affecting my gut, which is affecting my brain fog, you know?
So it’s the same thing in our lives, like, yeah, if we’re not getting sleep, then you know, our patience is low, right? And we’re not thinking as clearly and our concentration is down. And if we’re fighting with our partner, then, you know, we’re emotionally depleted in other ways. And, you know, we don’t have the energy to give to other things that are really important to us. So, definitely, you know, like, raising all the tides,
Question To Amber: So tell us about these anxieties, give us a brief overview of each anxiety style.
Amber: Okay, so there’s lover, fighter, visionary, executive, and dynamo. Which would you want me to start with? You pick one.
Alison: Your most common maybe?
Amber: Oh, so they’re pretty even. I’ll start with fighter because it was one that as I was developing the framework for this, it came on later, I based these loosely on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which is was it, you know, famous psychological paper that’s been spoken about for pyramid, decades? Yeah, that pyramid, but I had to kind of modernize it a bit.
And so I shifted one out for this fighter. And what I saw was, I’m going to start it this way. You might know you’re fighter if you see conflict, or injustice happening around you, even if you don’t know the people, and you’re not involved at all, or bullying, and you go toward it, or your kind of gut visceral reaction is to jump in and go toward the chaos, go toward the conflict, go toward the injustice, to do something about it, to help, to serve, to protect, you tend to label yourself as a survivor.
Unfortunately, many of the people with this quality have developed this anxiety style because they themselves had to, as children, you know, and there is this beautiful pride that comes with that, and that is lovely. And there’s this beautiful quality, where you tend to want to be the protector that you didn’t have that you deserved growing up, but maybe you didn’t. Anybody really that jumped in to protect you when that was important. And so that’s what you do. Unfortunately, with that comes, you know, sometimes it’s creating a very chaotic life as an adult.
Alison: Yeah, because you’re always jumping into things.
Amber: And because that’s your comfort zone. So a lot of these people, what’s funny is the triggers for fighters tend to be everything is going really smoothly. Because this is going, oh my gosh, that makes fighters really uncomfortable. No introduction, it’s going to drop. So the triggers for fighters are often the opposite of what the triggers are for say, lovers. So for fighters, you know, they’re comfortable in the chaos, they know what to expect. They feel prepared to deal with it. Whenever it’s calm and happy, it’s kind of boring. They’re used to, right, this constant surges of adrenaline and cortisol and challenge and fighting and, you know, and so they will often unconsciously bring more of that into their life because that’s what they’re comfortable with.
Big life lesson with fighters, how do you become more conscious of choosing what do you want, – chaos and challenge – within your life, and that’s great. Sign up for sprint marathon, go plan a vacation to a place where you don’t speak the language, you know, where you can choose instead of saying, “I am exhausted from my financial ups and downs, one minute, I’m raking in the dough. I have all these clients and customers and then the next month nothing. And you know what, I’m tired of it. I’m exhausted from them. I’m exhausted from dealing with the ups and downs in my money or my relationships to keep having these super unhealthy relationships. I fall in love. Everything is great and super high, and then it just crashes and burns. And I’m emotionally done. I want to be in a healthy, solid relationship.”
And so, you know, what I want for fighters is to be able to be in control of that decision. Where in your life do you want that, you still love that, that drives you, that maybe you can have a little bit more conscious choice and be more purposeful and where do you want that kind of chaotic excitement in your life? And where are you ready for some calm and ease? And how do you get comfortable in that and learn how to enjoy it, instead of be fearful of it.
Alison: Yeah, that can be so empowering. I can imagine becoming more comfortable with the unfamiliar but finding, eventually, familiarity with that calm and ease.
Amber: Yeah, and a healthy relationship, right? Because even that can feel very, very strange.
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Question To Amber: Tell us about the lover then.
Amber: Okay. So the lovers, and this is one with especially a lot of moms will immediately identify with, so the first sentence but then listen on. So these are people who are driven by their relationships with the people they love in their life. That’s first and foremost, what’s important to them. So that’s everybody, right? Everybody has a bit of all of these.
But where lovers might take it a step further is, for instance, say, you’re on Instagram or Facebook, and you notice that a couple of your girlfriends went out to dinner last week, and you never heard anything about it, and it can bite you.
And not only do you have kind of the normal reaction of bomb doubt, and FOMO, but lovers will tend to take it to the next level. “Oh my gosh, is Alison mad at me? Like, she doesn’t like me. And she just, you know, like, maybe she, like, you know, like, I see her walk by my house and she’s on the phone, like maybe she’s just pretending to be on the phone, she really doesn’t mean it. She doesn’t want to get to know me. And she like, or maybe they were talking about me or I did something like maybe my kid did something to their kid in school like, oh, my gosh,” and your brain just goes in your rabbit hole, right?
So lovers tend to really feel driven, their behaviors and their actions and perceptions are all weighted down with this need to feel like, to feel belonging, to feel loved and appreciated by others. And sometimes that comes at, you know, at a cost right? And can actually sabotage the very thing that means the most to you.
So with lovers, it’s how do we acknowledge and celebrate, like these amazing priorities that you have, these amazing gifts you have to be in the present moment, to connect with people, to enjoy one another, to really value your loved ones. And how do you, you know, come to your life’s lesson, which is feeling loved, appreciated, valued by yourself first, and not waiting for it to only come from others. Right? Do you elicit that love from yourself? And not have it be so controlled by what others say or do and then your value your self worth is just going up and down all the time.
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Alison: Yeah, that’s so important for the entrepreneur. Because sometimes, as an entrepreneur, we put that external validation on to our clients, like we are successful if our clients love us, if we’re getting a ton of referrals, if we have a ton of consults, a ton of yeses. And then if we get that no or one client is kind of disgruntled about one little thing, we can take it and run with that. And that can really sabotage a lot of the success that we actually have going for us.
Amber: Exactly. So you’ll see in the book, each chapter that focuses on one of the anxiety styles, the strategies, that self-care strategies that you’re going to use are going to be totally different for fighters than they are for lovers. Right? Which is why sometimes when we’re like, “I tried this, and it works for all my friends, but it doesn’t make me feel better at all,” about really self-awareness and then using those strategies that are going to help you most given what drives you, right, and what your triggers are.
Question To Amber: Okay, so tell us about the dynamo, that’s kind of intriguing.
Amber: Yes. So dynamo moms are, and I say moms just because that’s the title of the book, The Unflustered Mom, but as you can see from the framework, there’s no mom requirement. Right?
Alison: No, they definitely apply to the entrepreneur. And if you’re a mom, entrepreneur and stressed out then 100% it applies.
Amber: Right, exactly, exactly. So and you’ll see like, you know, you might notice like, “Oh, I think my partner is a dynamo and I’m a lover. Okay, here how we can connect here so I can understand them a little bit better, and maybe have a little bit more compassion for myself or how we communicate.”
So dynamos tend to be driven most by their need to feel acknowledged, appreciated, and like they’re accomplishing. So doctors tend to be a lot more in their head than in their hearts, they tend to be doers rather than being you know, just being in a situation, they tend to think more in the future than in the present moment. So I always say you might know you’re a dynamo mom if you have a to-do list, you’re always very organized, and you will add things to your to-do list that you have already completed.
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Alison: Just so you can check it off
Amber: Just so you can feel that satisfaction of check, right? You might be on a vacation, and in your head, be planning the next vacation instead of just being present at the moment, enjoying this vacation that you just planned. And balance between really continuing to find joy in the doing and the accomplishing. That’s fantastic. It’s beautiful. And whereas, it maybe not serve you, how can you be in the present moment more often? How can you take a moment to acknowledge the wins that you just had last week? Take a breath, and celebrate them before immediately jumping to the next.
Alison: You hear that entrepreneurs? Celebrate your wins before you move on to the next thing?
Amber: Right? And it creates like, I believe energetically, you know, instead of coming from a place of scarcity and like, “Oh, yeah, that happened. Let’s jump to the next, the next, the next next, the next,” the universe is like, “You’re never flippin satisfied, you’re not even happy about the last thing I just gave you. I’m going to send my attention somewhere else.”
It’s just like, if you have multiple kids, you have one kid that’s just so grateful and takes the time to look at you and say, “Oh, thanks, mommy, that was really cool.” It’d be way more likely to attend to that child’s needs in the future. Just because it makes sense. You know? You energetically felt that appreciation.
So I think that the world works that way as well. So the more and this is very, I’m a dynamo, it’s very difficult for me. It is not natural. I have to purposely instill practices that make me do this. So I have an accountability partner with a friend. She actually was my roommate, my freshman-year college roommate. She’s a dynamo as well. And she has her own business. We’re in totally different fields. But on WhatsApp, every single night, we share three wins from the day. Something we want to celebrate or something we’re proud of. And every single day, and I can’t tell you how many times I go to leave her a message. And I think, well I can’t even think of anything. I don’t know. And it forces me to slow down.
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Alison: I love this practice.
Amber: Yeah, I’ll say, “I don’t think there’s anything today.” And then, you know, of course, there’s 40 things, you know. So I slow down and say, “You know what, I am really excited. I have 150 people on my book launch team now. We’re awesome.” You know? My mind will go to, “Okay, how do I get to 300? What am I not doing? What am I missing? Oh, I have a quiz. I should go on Facebook groups that have moms on them and share my quiz.” You know? I’m on to the next thing already. Instead of this, just take like three to five seconds. And say, “Gosh, there’s 150 people on that group now.”
Alison: And it’ll change the hormones cascade in the body too. It’ll flood your body with not cortisol, but all the good feeling stuff.
Amber: And doing that right before bed gets me in a place of gratitude, before I go into my meditation practice and then go to sleep, which is good, and then I sleep better. So that’s been a practice that I’m so grateful for, and I think has also had its own domino effect on positive things that are happening because I really am taking the time to slow down and be in gratitude and acknowledge all the things that I’m proud of and excited about.
I have one more point because each one of these has kind of an overall life lesson. So for dynamos, it’s how do you feel valuable and worthy without all the doing, regardless of what you’re doing.
Alison: That’s a key one. I think I’m relating to this dynamo. I have to remind myself of that a lot. It’s a journaling practice I have.
Amber: Yeah, you’re worth it. You’ve done it. You’re there. You’re good. Everything else is just frosting on the cake, right? And find joy in it, we love it, we’re not going to ever stop doing because it’s in our nature, right? And working out of it, and how do you slow down enough to be in the moment, enjoy the moment, be proud of yourself, and feel valuable regardless of any more checks on the to-do list?
Alison: Yeah, beautiful. I love that.
Question To Amber: Let’s do executive.
Amber: Okay. So executives tend to be driven by this need to feel emotionally safe. And it tends to look like control, planning, organizing, really feeling like you know what’s going to happen, right, you want to set expectations, you want to know what’s coming so that you can prepare for it. So there’s this urge to control your environment so that you are safe, the loved ones are safe. And again, there’s a reason this came into play in the beginning.
And I was talking to my editor for this book, and she is an executive. And she was saying that she always travels, like any time she’s out of the house, essentially, with a backpack and in it is a little first aid kit in case she comes across anybody who needs something, you know, and she said her sister is even more so than when they had their last family get together for Thanksgiving, her sister sent everybody this very detailed spreadsheet of what everybody was bringing, and how many servings on a spreadsheet, you know, and this, you know, this need to delineate and have very clear expectations is makes you feel calm and safe.
Alison: Yeah, I see this a lot with entrepreneurship, like, they will actually talk or talk to a person or tell them what they do. Or it could be the ideal client standing right in front of them, telling them that they need help with the very issue that they solve. But that entrepreneur won’t say, “I can help you,” or, “This is the work I do,” because their website’s not set up, because they don’t have their scheduler set up, because they don’t have the onboarding email for the scheduler, like, they don’t have all the things, and it holds them back from helping a lot.
Amber: Well, that’s like, have you heard of the duck story that Mike Dooley, and he’s an author, he’s kind of on the woowoo side of this stuff I read, but he talks about these ducks, you know, so if you see a mother duck in the park with a bunch of baby ducks, and she wants them all to go over here to this lake to drink water, swim or whatever, the mother duck doesn’t sit there and squawk until all the ducks are lined up before she goes. She just turns around and starts walking, and what’s happened? All the little ducks lined up.
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Alison: Yes, there you go. Perfect.
Amber: I tell overwhelmed or anxious or you know, moms that are entrepreneurs, especially that if you wait for your health to be right, for soccer season to be over, for this, you know launch to be done, and for your mom’s cataract surgery to be done and the holidays to be over, there will always be at least one thing that is not going to be in line. There’s going to be a duck that’s teed off most to be, you literally won’t ever get moving.
I mean, it’s the odds that everything will ever be lined up perfectly. Your website, right, your funnel, your, you know, your assistant, your voice, “Oh, shoot, I just lost my voice, I just got sick,” something will always be off. So starting to walk toward even if it’s a small step every day towards that lake, that is your goal, you have to do it.
Alison: Yeah, is that the lesson for this one is to just get going?
Amber: So the list for this one is really to check-in. Are you safe now? Maybe some of that drive, you know, just think of like people who are very, very wealthy, right? Who still feel that scarcity and still function from a place of broke and scared and uncertain of their youth, even though everybody else looking at them would say, “How can you possibly be worried? You live in a $3 million house? What are you talking about?” You know? And so, but for them, it is viscerally, very, very real.
So a lot of the lessons for executives are checking in where they’ve now where you weren’t maybe before. And how do we do some healing of that, so that you can check in, feel safe now, how do you communicate your needs more effectively to people in your life so that they understand where it’s coming from?
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Because also, you know, if you’re married to, say, a visionary who comes home and says, “Oh, my God, I just found out like, my partner’s, like, their beach house in Mexico is available, we can go this weekend, like, oh my gosh, it’s so great.” And executives are like, full tight, “Just wait a minute here.” Like any, any big changes are going to take a moment to absorb.
So if they know that about themselves, and they can have some self-kindness, and communicate that effectively to the people in our lives, “Hey, I’m going to be excited about this. But I just need a hot minute like, I need an hour to just absorb this, figure out what I need to change and cancel, and then I’m going to be right there with you. But like, you know that these things make me a little nervous. And it doesn’t mean I’m not happy about it,” you know, so you learn those skills.
Alison: Yeah. And then when they do create that safety for themselves, that probably gives them you know, the ability to go forward to whatever’s next.
Amber: Exactly, exactly. When my husband and I first got together to start sharing an apartment, I told him, “You know, money is a really emotional topic for me, it’s a trigger for me. My last relationship, it was the biggest issue we fought about. So like, if I like start crying suddenly, when we’re talking about money, or like if you forget to give me the rent check, like your half, like, I’m probably going to get all weird and emotional, and it doesn’t have to be it. It’s just my like, it’s just super emotional topic for me.”
And so I communicated that to him. And his reaction was, “Okay, do want me to just like pre-write the checks, and then I’ll put them right here in this drawer, and you can just grab them when you need them?” And I was like, “Okay, well, I know, I probably don’t need you to do that,” but it immediately made me feel so much safe. He just offered that. And he was able to offer that because I was able to say, “Hey, this is something that’s totally me. And I want you to know, so that in the moment, you know, you’re aware that it’s not a judgment on you. This is some trauma that I’m bringing to the table, because we all have it.”
Alison: Yeah. I love that.
Question To Amber: So tell us about the visionary.
Amber: So yes, so the visionary, as in its title, is very focused on making a big impact in the world, in the future, big dreams, they tend to function from instinct and feeling more than necessarily the details, right? And in their head and the planning, sometimes they can need help with that. They’re very future-oriented.
And often, you know, if you think of like a Venn diagram of like, five overlapping circles, you know, they’ll have similarities to the dynamo in that, it’s very future-oriented, like, all these little mundane things don’t matter, you know, and they will tend to dismiss the little wins, the little joys, the little accomplishments along the way.
And so a lot of the tools and strategies that I recommend for visionaries are how do you tune in, acknowledge, become more mindful of the present moment, connect with those people that you care about? Because that can be difficult for visionaries as well. And then they’re like, “Well, you don’t understand my dream,” and everybody’s like, “Well, you don’t understand that it’s important to me to have dinner with my family. So how do you give what your partner needs, so that then you know, they’re going to be way more likely to give you what you need in the long run so that when you’re on the cover of Forbes, and you’re, you know, 102 years old, and you’re sitting in your hospital bed with your cover of Forbes, you’re surrounded by the people –
Alison: Yes, you have the people there.
Amber: And you’re not just like by yourself being like, “Yay, I did it!”
Alison: Yeah. Oh, I love that. And so that’s part of the life lesson then?
Amber: Exactly, exactly. How do you enjoy the journey and you’re connected to the people you care about along your way to your big dream?
Alison: Yeah, so many entrepreneurs can relate to an aspect of that, I’m sure. So, so much gold here, because it really breaks down this feeling of overwhelm and anxiety and gives like a reasoning as to why it happens. And then also implementable techniques, and done by time, which is awesome, where they can take that next step to move forward and reduce those feelings of overwhelm, and anxiety. So definitely go get the book. It’ll be out June 6, you say? Perfect. And if someone wanted to work with you, do you work with clients these days?
Amber: I do. I do. I have. Everything’s on my website, ambertrueblood.com And, also, if you go take the quiz at flourishquiz.com. and order the book, if you go to my website, I have where you can put in your anxiety style, you put in your e-mail, and I will send you a bunch of really cool resources specific to that anxiety style.
So I have a guided meditation for each one, a guided mantra, practice, sleep tips, the sleep tips actually are the same for everybody, but they’re my favorite nine sleep tips. And as we said earlier, like if you’re not sleeping it’s hard to keep track of anything else in your life or implement any new other strategies if you’re sleep deprived. So that’s always one that I like to share as well. So there’s a host of really cool bonuses, that as soon as you order the book, you can go on and do that and get the bonuses.
Must Visit: Meditation Workshop
Alison: Wow, this book is so thought through. I love it.
Amber: Oh, thank you. And I do have to say, when you mentioned the word, I had one interviewer ask me what my definition of overwhelm was once, and I think it’s different than a lot of people assume. They assume it’s the number of tasks on their list, right? The load of responsibilities on their shoulders.
And I’d like to offer a little bit different perspective on that. I think that it’s when your time, money, energy, and attention are being spent on things that are not important. It’s when your time and your resources and your energy and your attention are spent on things that you really care about and love and enjoy, it is energy boosting, it is invigorating, it is exciting, it is fun, it is joyful. You might be exhausted at the end of the day, but you have a giant smile on your face.
But when your list is full of things that are energy-depleting, right, that aren’t aligned with stuff that is really important to you, that’s when overwhelm and frustration happen. And so it’s not about waiting for the day when like 100% of the things on your list are going to be 100% aligned with everything that’s important to you. It’s about noticing, “Okay, do I this week have at least one to two things that are say eight nines or 10 out of 10 on my alliance scale? No. Okay. I need to add a dance class, I need to add a walk with Allison, I need to add a time when I could sit down and journal by myself in the bath. What is one of those true self-care activities that I can add?” And then all of a sudden, the things that are ones or twos that are super depleting to you, become neutral. They’re not going to maybe ever be things that you’re like, “Oh, great, I get to make dinner again, I’m so excited.” But they suddenly become things that aren’t.
Alison: Yeah, love that. The sensation in our body might be a little bit different. And it’s really tracking down like, “Okay, what are you feeling first of all,” and acknowledging, “Oh, okay, this is what overwhelm feels like for me. And then this is why,” and you listed so many reasons as to why it can be happening for them, especially if, you know, I compare a lot of those self-care things to like, adding deposits to a bank account. If your bank account is depleted, you’re just not going to have the energy to do simple things such as make dinner, it’s going to feel much more laborious. And much more tedious than if you do have that energy, you just whip it up real fast and never bat an eye.
Amber: Yeah, no, I love that you said that we’re on the same wavelength. They call it your emotional bank account. If you feel it getting depleted, man, that’s when you know you’ve got to do something to replenish it, because a lot of women will let it, if it goes down to zero, especially in your relationship, it can be very, very dangerous, because women will give and give and give and give and do and do and do and do and do and do and do and do. And once we’re at zero, then often, you know, partners will be like, “Oh, what can I do? I’ll do anything.” And you’re already done. And so getting those communication skills, to learn how to replenish yourself, and also your relationship before it hits zero, it’s brutally important. And that’s a whole other topic.
Alison: Yes. Well, I love all this. Well, thank you so much for coming on today and sharing with us your words of wisdom and these five anxiety styles, and these strategies.
Question To Amber: Any parting words of wisdom?
Amber: My pleasure. I would say the most important is to give yourself permission to take care of yourself emotionally, because it’s not a luxury, it’s not a “nice to-do”. It really is imperative to your functioning both as an entrepreneur, and if you’re a mom, or your partner or you’re taking care of aging parents, or whatever other responsibilities you’re holding that have a lot of emotional weight to them, your own, you know, emotional self-care is not a “nice to-do.” And I think people are understanding this more and more in recent years. It’s not a “nice to have,” it’s not a luxury, it’s not a guilty pleasure, you know? It really is a requirement. It’s just as important as food and water is, and I truly believe that.
Alison: Yeah. 100% Well, thank you so much.
Amber: Thank you for having me. This was really fun. I appreciate you.
Alison: So much great info
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